I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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