she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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