someone owes me an orgasm
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
