I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
