i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Dignity is for republicans.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
