we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
