apparently the secret to your success is patron
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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