please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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