I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
