ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
