if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
