We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
