It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
