Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
