so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
