porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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