So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
