i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
