We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
