this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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