I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
