so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
