Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
