Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
