whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
