Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
