Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
