Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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