I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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