I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize