So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
