his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
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He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
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We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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