there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
