This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
