So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
