i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
