Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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