Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
