so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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