It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize