if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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