dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
