that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
