you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
