yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
