the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
