We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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