I love black thongs
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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