I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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