I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
