I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
