bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
