We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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