i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
