Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I have peed in a lot of sinks
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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