i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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