his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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