I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
