when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
