upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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