Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I understand Curling. That high.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize