Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
