if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
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pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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