I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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