also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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