What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
