the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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