return my video game
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
