maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
