I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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