3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize